There are five timeswhen anger becomes a problem :
it is expressed for the wrong reason.
it becomes too intense.
it lasts too long.
it leads to aggression.
it disturbs school, work, or relationships.
Do you have students who get stuck in their anger? Can they identify with one or more of the statements above?
Ask students to give an example of anger for each category.
Create your own examples on cards and ask students to match them with each problem.
How can you resolve the anger once it is identified? Ask students to
come up with ways to stop or prevent getting into a situation that will
cause them to be angry.
I live to use the Jumpin' Monkeys game to show students how they get
themselves stuck in their own problems. They keep doing the same thing
over and over and keep getting the same results. This could be in
relationships, homework, classwork, chores or decisions. Process
through the problem where they are getting stuck using the monkeys you
catapult through the air. If you do not move the catapult, you can not
hit the tree. You must move!
The same is true to teach this example with Ants in the Pants.
If you keep the ants in the same place and do not move them in order to
hit your target, you will never get there. You have to MOVE the ants to
win! Relate this to everyday life. You have to do something different
to get different results. You don't like a discipline referral, then
what can you change? You get F's for assignments, then what can you do
differently.
Sometimes, I will tape the catapult to the table purposely to show the
student he is stuck. I will ask him to play the game. He might try and
get frustrated. He realizes he has to move or change to hit the
target. This is a valuable hands-on exercise. Finally light-bulbs turn
on! They can take the tape off! They can do something different. If
something is not working, they learn to do something else. Most
students do this naturally when they don't get the results they want.
Some need your help to work through this and learn to do this as a skill
that is taught to them.
Need more ideas on this? Demonstrations and directions are in the
DVDs. Counselor use to ask me to show them with the game or create a
video series. So I did! Games and Play is a set of DVDs to show you
how to do it. It is Creative, Engaging, and FUN.
More on anger management for students. Anger and Me is a student workbook that is reproducible. Make as many copies as you need.
You can find it on Amazon: Anger and Me
There are examples of what students do when they express anger in the
wrong ways in the workbook if you would like to use them instead of
coming up with your own. Quizzes are also included in the workbook.
The workbook can be used in individual or small group sessions. They
can be used in classrooms. It is suitable for grades 4 - 12. Adults
have found it useful too! Some businesses in my area have used it for
their employees. I ask parents to read it with their child. Do 2-3
pages a day. Talk about it together. Discuss the examples.
I want to hear from you!
Let me know what you think, your ideas, your thoughts.
Contact me at:
grace @ counselorgames.com
This is an article that was published in Executive Lifestyles this week by Jane Wong about Counselor Games.
Work hard, Play hard!
What’s the philosophy behind this? Stress management? Bingo!
And same for our children and students nowadays. When you are
thinking how to cut down their spending on getting new toys, do you
realize we can use everyday games to make unforgettable and creative techniques that can improve their socialization and communication skills too?
This week we have Grace Wilhelm to tell us how she turns the
“game strategies” into her business while solving the student’s problems
on anger and communication management.
Jane: Hello Grace, can you tell us about yourself and your business?
Grace: I am a national board certified counselor with over 20 years
experience in school and mental health counseling. Over the years I have
designed and perfected how to use play therapy techniques and integrate
them into everyday, familiar games to teach students the strategies for
stress management, anger control, building relationships, study and
organizational skills, decision making, making friends and more. Some of
the games used include: Don’t Break the Ice, Barrel of Monkeys, Jumpin’
Monkeys, Topple and Pick-up Sticks. Over twenty games are used. .
Wow…. Put Play into Work?! What motivated you to start this business?
Grace: As a speaker and presenter I am often asked to deliver my play
therapy workshop, or present on a topic such as stress management and
games or study skills and games. Presentations have been delivered
locally, regionally and nationally. I have also presented as far as
Papau New Guinea! When counselors or educators ask me what I am doing or
how I am doing it, I am delighted and honored to share with them. Often
they will ask for repeat demonstrations, a book, or video. I had none
of that and not even a business card! So last year I started to put it
all together with a Website, twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, videographers,
graphic designers and editors. There were some student workbooks I
wrote for anger control and stress management and we tweaked them. We
got permission from Hasbro and Pressman Toy Company to use their games
in DVDs and other social media. Out of this came two DVDs: Games and
Play to Enhance Counseling and Teaching Strategies, Volumes I and II.
Educators can review the demonstrations or if they are unable to attend a
presentation, they can see them here.
How does this different from the normal way of counseling at school then?
In the past, play therapy techniques were only used in mental health
sessions and school counselors were managers of resources who did not do
any counseling. The tables have turned and school counselors are more
involved in counseling – not only academics and career, but helping with
personal and social counseling in the school setting.
Let’s talk about business. What have you found to be your most effective way in finding the new clients?
Speaking and presenting at conferences
has helped put my name and practice in the fore front. I have been
Keynote at different events on the state level and overseas. I have
presented at parent groups, luncheons, and national conferences. Often I
am asked to present or invited to write a proposal. It is a nice place
to be and I feel very appreciated by my colleagues. In social media, my
website, blog and LinkedIn have been the most effective.
What is a day in the life of you like?
A typical day usually starts with reading about one hour, checking
email and then doing some writing. Then I am off to work as a school
counselor. When I get home, I connect with family and friends, finish
work on some writing and/or consulting, relax with some reading or
conversation and then go to bed..
I’m sure dealing with stress of some
other people, you have to manage your own peace of mind too. How did
you handle the challenges that you encounter?
To handle to challenges, I have created
a great team of people around me. I allow them to be creative and then
let them go. They are my videographers, photographers, web designers,
graphics designers, editors, and consultants. Although I do not have a
full-time employee yet, my team is one of the best and so creative,
talented, and helpful. I could never do this on my own. We listen to the
input and feedback of each other and everyone gets the mission for
educators and how it benefits students and the community in the long
run.
How do you keep yourself motivated during the difficult times?
When things get a little difficult or
challenging, I pull away from the work so I can get time to think. I
will go for a walk, connect with friends for a get-together. Getting my
mind off the difficult part for a couple of days allows me to return to
the work with a fresh perspective. I also like to read motivational
quotes or listen to webinars. I have some motivational books that stay
close to me.
What will you recommend to those people who want to be their own boss?
Start with doing. It is because when you think too much, you may
never start at all. Once you have started, think of better ways to grow
your business and be true to yourself. So understand yourself. Once
you’ve have found your pace, you get more confidence and then you will
start and dare to dream big.
How do you see the “work-life” balance?
It is important to work hard and then
play hard. I will take time to be with my family, enjoy elaborate family
dinners, travel the world to see family as they are spread out that
way, and connect with friends. I will actually write that time in my
schedule because I don’t want anything to interfere with that time. I am
a member of some clubs and interesting groups. I make a lot of effort
to keep involved with them. They have nothing to do with my work, but I
often find the new connections and people I meet contribute to a new
idea or twist on something not thought of before. Balance in life also
includes a spiritual connection. I connect with God through prayer and
Scripture. I believe creativity comes from God and I am thankful for
that and my relationship with Him.
What is the upcoming marketing plan that you want to share with us?
I am putting together some play therapy workshops on my own. I am
starting with my local community and targeting parents, youth workers,
and educators. From there I plan to spread out in my state and keep
going. Right now I am using word of mouth and friends of friends to
spread the word. The first workshops are small in order to work out
kinks. We will get bigger from there. This is different than attending a
conference or seminar where other people/organizers plan the event,
venue, and marketing. I will speak or present to a room of 30 or 250.
The workshops I am now planning are on my own. This includes the event,
venue and marketing. It is a lot of work.
Thanks Grace again for
her sharing. You won’t realize that, this sweet lady Grace, who always
talks about Play, Games etc, has two grandchildren already! So what is
the thing holding you up to start up your business? Talk to us, and
share with us what you have in mind!
Do you have an entrepreneurship story of your own to share? We love to read. Sign up yourself here and tell me more!
Hi,
Thanks for your interest!
Connect with me and receive my interview questions for a Free Feature at our Executive-Lifestyles.com and our newsletter.
Jane
By Ginger Kadlec — get free updates of new postshere.
Cy·ber·bul·ly·ing:
noun — defined
as, “The use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically
by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature.”
The stats are alarming. Nearly 43% of all teens have been victims of cyberbullying; 1 in 4 of those kids has been victimized more than once. Cyberbullying is different than other forms of bullying. Kids can’t escape it. It’s a 24×7 attack.
It follows them home via their mobile device or computer. It’s viral
nature allows the online abuse to be spread to hundreds, even thousands,
of others in a short period of time, making the bullying virtually
inescapable for a child. Detective Alex Petty of the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Department in
my home state of Indiana offered insight into the ever-growing
cyberbullying phenomenon at a community forum about Teens and Social
Media.
What is cyberbullying?
Detective Petty shared there are essentially two types of bullying:
Direct which involves physical (e.g., hitting, kicking, stealing or making someone do something they don’t want to do) or verbal (e.g., name calling, insulting, making threats) aggression.
Indirect involves relationship bullying, such as
gossiping or spreading rumors and lies about someone. It can also make
victims feel left-out or maliciously rejected.
Victims of cyberbullying fall
prey to not just one bully, but many, as information spreads via social
media, email, chats and other forms of electronic communication.
The danger with cyberbullying is that it combines both direct and indirect forms of bullying.
Not only can someone be verbally abused via name calling, photo
sharing, insults or threats, but relationship bullying also plays a key
role in spreading information about the victim that reaches a wide
audience through digital means. As a result, victims of cyberbullying
then fall prey to not just one bully, but many, as information spreads
via social media, email, chats and other forms of electronic
communication.
Using a cyberbullying approach, sexual offenders can also
disseminate information and/or pictures of their victims through that
child’s personal social networking site — this happens in 26% of online
sex crimes against minors. (Journal of Adolescent Health)
Signs A Child Is Being Cyberbullied
There are a variety of red flags which could indicate a child is a victim of cyberbullying:
Decreased computer or cell phone usage
Nervous behavior when receiving a text, email or chat
Uneasiness about attending school
Withdrawal from family and friends
Increased health problems
Use of alcohol or drugs
Drop in grades
While none of these signs in and of themselves equate to a
child being cyberbullied, they can be strong indicators that something
isn’t right in the child’s world. Parents, as with everything else
regarding your child, it’s important to have a solid understanding of
what is happening with them while they are online. Pay attention. Ask
questions. Involve yourself in their online world.
Signs A Child Is A Cyberbully
So, who are cyberbullies? They come in all shapes and sizes, but do share some similar traits. Cyberbullies…
Enjoy feelings of power and control
Enjoy inflicting physical or emotional pain on others
Can be below average, average or above average students
Lack compassion and empathy for their targeted victims
Are often victims of bullying or another type of abuse themselves
A 2010 study found that girls are more likely to cyberbully than boysand tend to gossip and spread rumors online, while boys are more apt to post harmful photos or videos of targeted victims.
Behaviors to watch for that may indicate a child is a cyberbully can include:
Quickly changing screens or closing programs when others approach
Using the computer or cell phone at all hours of the day and night
Getting unusually upset when computer usage is restricted or revolked
“Empowering kids to stand up for others can often stop bullies in their tracks.” ~Detective Alex Petty
Detective Petty encourages parents to empower their children to
intervene if they know another child is being bullied or cyberbullied.
“The bystander effect is more powerful than you can imagine,”
Detective Petty shared. “Empowering kids to stand up for others can
often stop bullies in their tracks.”
He added there are 3 steps parents and kids can take together to help stop bullying and cyberbullying:
Don’t be a ‘bystander’ and just ‘watch’ — stand-up for the person who is being bullied or cyberbullied.
Tell a trusted adult about the bullying — share exactly what you
have seen, read or heard, regardless of whether that bullying is
directed at you or someone else. (Parents, be aware: only 1 in
10 victims will tell anyone they are being bullied.)
Contact the school or local law enforcement to report the bullying.
“If we catch it as soon as it
begins and are able to intervene, the chances of it spiraling out of
control are greatly minimized.” ~Detective Alex Petty
“If we catch it as soon as it begins and are able to intervene,
the chances of it spiraling out of control are greatly minimized,”
stated Detective Petty. “Often, a friendly visit to a bully or
cyberbully by a police officer is enough to make them rethink their
actions and behavior.”
Nearly 43% of kids have been bullied online. 1 in 4 has had it happen more than once.
70% of students report seeing frequent bullying online. Filling up your friends’ Facebook feeds with positive posts instead of negative ones can boost school-wide morale.
Start a Facebook page for students to submit positive acts they see in
school to promote a culture of positivity on and offline. Sign up for Positivity Page.
Over 80% of teens use a cell phone regularly, making it the most common medium for cyber bullying.
68% of teens agree that cyber bullying is a serious problem.
81% of young people think bullying online is easier to get away with than bullying in person
90% of teens who have seen social media bullying say they have ignored it. 84% have seen others tell cyber bullies to stop.
Only 1 in 10 victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse.
Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.
About 58% of kids
admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. More than
4 out 10 say it has happened more than once.
Bullying victims are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider committing suicide.
About 75% of students admit they have visited a website bashing another student.
Parents, in a nutshell…
Know what your child is doing online.
Talk with your child about what to do if they know of someone being cyberbullied (or bullied).
Take action! Help your child report bullying activity of any kind to school officials or local law enforcement.
#SHOUTOUT to…
Hamilton County Sheriff Mark Bowen,
along with Detective Alex Petty, for allowing me to share valuable
information from their “Teens & Social Media” community presentation
held in Noblesville, IN in March, 2014. About cyberbullying and social
media issues, Sheriff Bowen said, “It’s happening all over the country
each and every day. We felt it’s important to get the word out so people
understand the gravity of these issues and the consequences can
sometimes lead to a situation where somebody takes their life as a
result. The biggest thing is education on the front end to make sure
they’re taking the necessary steps to protect themselves and not put
themselves in that position. But, even if they do, it’s not the end of
the world and life goes on… there are ways we can help them to deal and
cope with it.”
About Alex
Detective Alex Petty is a veteran investigator in crimes against
children. A former Hanover College football player and now law
enforcement officer for 23 years, Alex has been with the Hamilton Co.
Sheriff’s Department since 1996 where he started in Sheriff’s court
security, moved to the patrol division and was then promoted to
detective in 2006. Alex holds several professional designations
including that of certified drug recognition expert and instructor,
crisis negotiator, and instructor for Child First/Finding Words child
forensic interview training in Indiana. A loving husband and proud
father of four fabulous kids aged 17 to 10, Alex coaches football and
basketball in his spare time. Ever since he was a little boy, Alex
wanted to be an investigator. “I come from a single parent home, so I
know what it’s like for the single mom and dad,” he shared. “Kids are
forced to adapt to ever-changing societal influences; some good, some
bad. I want parents to know that if they communicate with their kids,
take charge and do their part to show kids a healthy way to live, they
really can strengthen family relationships.” Have a question for Alex?
Contact him at (317) 733-1282 or Alex.Petty@HamiltonCounty.IN.gov.
About Ginger
Raising awareness of the world-wide epidemic of child abuse has
become Ginger’s life mission. An impassioned child advocate, trainer,
speaker and child forensic interviewer, Ginger regularly blogs about
child protection issues and has released a report for parents and other
caring adults, “10 Scary Apps”. Click here for your free copy of this informative 12-page report.Along
with her husband John and pets Lexi and Chase, Ginger enjoys traveling,
skiing, hiking, brisk mornings, colorful sunsets and just hangin’ at
home with “the Pack”.
Grace will be presenting at the Family B2B Expo in Orange Park, Florida, Friday, June 27. Stop by and say "Hello!"
Facebook: Like us at Counselor Games! www.Counselorgames.com
Special ASCA Conference purchase of Games and Play: Volumes I and II , and 10 FREE stress screening cards for $57. Includes free shipping and handling! Your free gift will be sent automatically with your order.
The Play Pack: Both Volume I and II, Topple, Tumble and Jumpin' Monkeys, and 20 FREE stress screening cards! One low price to save you time and $$.
A perfect stranger pours her heart out to me over the phone.
She complains that her six-year-old son is unable to sit still in the
classroom. The school wants to test him for ADHD (attention deficit and
hyperactivity disorder). This sounds familiar, I think to myself. As a pediatric occupational therapist, I’ve noticed that this is a fairly common problem today.
The mother goes on to explain how her son comes home every day
with a yellow smiley face. The rest of his class goes home with green
smiley faces for good behavior. Every day this child is reminded that
his behavior is unacceptable, simply because he can’t sit still for long
periods of time.
The
mother starts crying. “He is starting to say things like, ‘I hate
myself’ and ‘I’m no good at anything.’” This young boy’s self-esteem is
plummeting all because he needs to move more often.
Over
the past decade, more and more children are being coded as having
attention issues and possibly ADHD. A local elementary teacher tells me
that at least eight of her twenty-two students have trouble paying
attention on a good day. At the same time, children are
expected to sit for longer periods of time. In fact, even
kindergarteners are being asked to sit for thirty minutes during circle
time at some schools.
The
problem: children are constantly in an upright position these days. It
is rare to find children rolling down hills, climbing trees, and
spinning in circles just for fun. Merry-go-rounds and teeter-totters are
a thing of the past. Recess times have shortened due to increasing
educational demands, and children rarely play outdoors due to parental
fears, liability issues, and the hectic schedules of modern-day society.
Lets face it: Children are not nearly moving enough, and it is really
starting to become a problem.
I
recently observed a fifth grade classroom as a favor to a teacher. I
quietly went in and took a seat towards the back of the classroom. The
teacher was reading a book to the children and it was towards the end of
the day. I’ve never seen anything like it. Kids were tilting back their
chairs back at extreme angles, others were rocking their bodies back
and forth, a few were chewing on the ends of their pencils, and one
child was hitting a water bottle against her forehead in a rhythmic
pattern.
This
was not a special needs classroom, but a typical classroom at a popular
art-integrated charter school. My first thought was that the children
might have been fidgeting because it was the end of the day and they
were simply tired. Even though this may have been part of the problem,
there was certainly another underlying reason.
We
quickly learned after further testing, that most of the children in the
classroom had poor core strength and balance. In fact, we tested a few
other classrooms and found that when compared to children from the early
1980s, only one out of twelve children had normal strength and balance.
Only one! Oh my goodness, I thought to myself. These children need to move!
Ironically,
many children are walking around with an underdeveloped vestibular
(balance) system today--due to restricted movement. In order to develop a
strong balance system, children need to move their body in all
directions, for hours at a time. Just like with exercising, they need to
do this more than just once-a-week in order to reap the benefits.
Therefore, having soccer practice once or twice a week is likely not
enough movement for the child to develop a strong sensory system.
Children
are going to class with bodies that are less prepared to learn than
ever before. With sensory systems not quite working right, they are
asked to sit and pay attention. Children naturally start fidgeting in
order to get the movement their body so desperately needs and is not
getting enough of to “turn their brain on.” What happens when the
children start fidgeting? We ask them to sit still and pay attention;
therefore, their brain goes back to “sleep.”
Fidgeting is a real
problem. It is a strong indicator that children are not getting enough
movement throughout the day. We need to fix the underlying issue. Recess
times need to be extended and kids should be playing outside as soon as
they get home from school. Twenty minutes of movement a day is not
enough! They need hours of play outdoors in order to establish a healthy
sensory system and to support higher-level attention and learning in
the classroom.
In order for children to learn, they need to be able to pay attention. In order to pay attention, we need to let them move.
Friendships change quickly for many
reasons.People move way, change schools,
or simply change their ways.Keeping old
friendships is important and making new friends is just as important.Use this self-assessment to rate how you are
doing as a friend.
5 – Always4 – Most of the time3 –
Sometimes
2 – Not Much of the Time1 - Never
____ 1.I share my thoughts and ideas with my friends.
____ 2.I share my belongings with my friends.
____ 3.When I disagree with my friend, I listen to
their side.
____ 4.I offer to help my friends when they have a
problem.
____
5.When my friend does something wrong,
I tell the truth about it rather than hide it.
____ 6.I am honest with my friends.
____ 7.I laugh when we are together, but I do not
laugh at my friends.
____ 8.I do not tell the secrets my friends tell me.
____ 9.I tell my friends when I need help.
____ 10.I am not jealous or possessive when my
friends have other friends.
____ 11.I do not stay mad with my friends or carry a
grudge.
____12.I am cooperative with my friends.I tell my friends what is right and when I know their behavior is wrong.
What do you need to do to be a
better friend?_____________________________
This
is a good activity for students. Print this out and have them
underline or highlight the symptoms they are experiencing. When
consulting with parents, you might ask them to show this list to their
doctor or family counselor with the marks from the student if you feel
it could be helpful.
Signs
of Stress
Let’s
review some of the signs of stress in categories.The categories divide the symptoms of stress
into four groups:physical,
intellectual, emotional, and behavioral.This is your book, so you can write in it.Underline or mark signs that may bother
you.
Physical StressIntellectual
Stress
HeadacheAbsentmindedness
MigrainesForgetfulness
BackacheInability
to do simple math
Muscle crampsLack
of concentration
Stomach problemsLoss
of thought
Heart problemsMind
spinning
High blood pressureFloating
sensation
Fainting
Dizziness
Shortness of breath
Often having colds
Emotional StressBehavioral
Stress
Anger that is sudden andDependency
on drugs, alcohol,
out of proportionsmoking, food, exercise, etc.
FrustrationExcessive
dieting
DepressionExcessive
exercise
Feeling of being usedWithdraw
Anxiety over everyday situationsTalking too fast, too loud or too much
Self-pityCritical
over many people and things
LonelinessUnnecessary
aggressiveness
Annoyed over small mattersExcessive
passiveness
Repetitious
behavior – doing the
same
things over and over
Sometimes these signs, which are
called symptoms, maybe related to a physical illness.Your parents may want you to check with a
doctor if you think you are ill or if the symptoms do not disappear after a
reasonable period of time.
Here is some good news if you have a lot
of stress:There are ways to relieve
stress!This helps us to relax or reduce
anxious feelings.We can also categorize
stress reducers into four groups:physical, intellectual, emotional, and behavioral.We sometimes call these stress snappers
because they help us snap back to the way we want to be.
Check out more resources at http://www.counselorgames.com
.http://facebook.com/counselorgames
